You Should Have Believed

She couldn’t run. She couldn’t fucking run. She was trapped, she was cold, she was terrified. The tips of her fingers were beginning to turn blue and lose their feeling. She was completely miserable and she couldn’t run.

“How did I get myself into this mess?”

She pleaded with herself for some sort of rationalization. She had thought it would be fun. She wanted to test her disbelief. Searching for some sort of inner calm, she made a  list in her head. Everything seemed so much simpler when written in a list. It didn’t matter. She was still trapped. She still couldn’t run.

“It’s probably coming for me. It’s probably done in with Evan. It’s probably... Oh God, I don’t know.”

The silence was horrifying. If she could only hear, if she could only have some sort of idea of when it would be coming back. But instead, she just sat in the agonizing silence, her head resting on her bare legs, her shaking arms over top of her head.

“Never again. I’m going straight home after this. If I get out of here. No. When. When I get out of here. I’m getting out, I’m getting out, I’ve gotta get out.”

She thought back to a couple of weeks ago. She got a CD in the mail. She remembered  contemplating tossing it in the return to sender box, never to be seen again. She changed her mind. She brought it into her house, put it in her stereo, ready to have a laugh. It was no big deal. Highway to Heaven. The spiritual guide through life and how to make the best of your journey. It had sounded like she’d be in for quite a laugh. She had loved it when Christian marketers came around, parading their religion like it was the newest fashion. It had always seemed so ridiculous, to take something as spiritual as one’s core beliefs, and turn it into a commercial recruiting war. That’s why she listened to the CD. That’s why she lay on her bed, laughing at the “scientific” reasons for God’s existence. That’s why she was currently trapped in this abysmal, horrifying dark hole, with only the expectation of what was to come next to keep her company.

“Oh God, Evan. What have I done to you? I brought you into all of this, and now who knows what’s happening. I’m sorry. So sorry.”

Evan had knocked on the door. Silly boy. She called him up, invited him into her room, and they spent a pseudo normal afternoon simply chatting, listening to this CD, laughing at religious extremists. She mentioned that God didn’t even exist, he was simply something that humans created to help themselves feel whole.

“God is real. Lucifer is real. Oh my goodness, everything is real. I’m going to die here. I’m going insane. I don’t know where I’m going. oh my God, I’m going to die.”

All of a sudden the CD ended, and everything had gone black. She had woken up naked, dirty, and freezing. Evan was next to her, in a similar position. Her memory was blank. Everything was blank. She couldn’t recall the CD, the topic of discussion, anything. She was terrified. 

And then she saw it. 

“I’m sorry God. So, so sorry. I believe in you, I love you, please just take me away from this place. Please loosen the grasp that the devil has placed on my dear Evan. Let me wake up in my bed, warm and comfortable. Please, please let me live.”

He loomed far above everything, a massive creature coated in a blackish slime. He reached down, and grabbed Evan with his enormous claws, leaving a trail behind him. He was indescribable. He wasn’t a monster, he was the devil. As he left the room, Evan in his grasp, it began to come back to her. She began to understand. She was blasphemous. She was cruel and stupid and she was now paying the price. 

“If only I had believed. I should have believed. I’m such an idiot, I should have believed!”

Her screams pierced through the still air. She had aroused his attention. She had changed his focus. And now he was back.

“Oh please, no. No, no. Oh fuck, I’m going to die. Please don’t let me die!”

As her sobbing, choking figure was lifted, there was only one thought in her mind. She had never thought that hell would be this cold.