Midterms

Midterms are ridiculous. Especially when they're not actually mid-term. Like the beginning of October is like only 1/3 of the way through. What the hell is a midterm doing in there? It's also completely pointless to base an entire grade for a class on 2 exams. I know I should be used to it, because that's pretty much what they did for IB, but at the same time, it's so hard to focus when it's lecture lecture lecture and absolutely no assignments or anything to do. All of a sudden, the exam creeps up on you and you're unprepared and it sucks because you have to do serious late night cramming and you're tired and you're stressed and you're hoping that you'll do well even though you don't have the sufficient background knowledge. University is stupid like that. I have one class where we have quizzes and assignments, and I like it because it makes sure that the students know the material. Basing everything on a few final tests? Simply irresponsible. Not everybody takes tests well. Some people end up with minor heart attacks because they're being forced to stuff 3 months of intense knowledge into one hour long writing session. And can you blame them? It's completely one-sided. If you really want to run a class, you should account for other people's learning styles. I know it's not high school anymore, and I am on of hose people who can take tests, I don't actually have a problem with it, but really now. Have a heart, make allowances for the diversity of your students. Especially in a place like McGill, with such a large international population. You have people from so many different school styles and educational backgrounds. Why not try things out, find out what works for people? It's stupid and I don't like it.

Untitled

An old one I dug out of the closet.

He barely makes a sound.

Breathing slowly, softly

Taking his time.

Time has been taken.

Stolen, and now it's ours.

All the time in the world.

Time to live, laugh, love.

Love him for his silence.

Hope you enjoy. :)

I want...

My ears gauged.

Or a lip ring.

Or another earring.

I'm bored with myself already.

Is there something wrong with that?

Probably.

Song For The Road

I don't care that this is my third post today, because I have something really important to say. It's cliche and lame, but I can't help myself.

Song For The Road by David Ford is an AMAZING song, and it's all in the lyrics.

Well the day casts down 
Lengthy shadows on unfamiliar towns
I drove 300 miles from the place I call home
And I tip my hat to the angel of the North

And the sun sets fire to the heavens
On the hills over Sheffield tonight
And I'll sail over this countryside with new friends and old
And we are no where, but man, we're alright

So you can keep your belief in whatever
I'll wear my cynicism like a tattoo
While poets try to engineer definitions of love
You know all I can think of is you

And I can't wait to see you on Sunday
Far from the traffic and the smoke and the noise
For this evening I will play back every message that you sent
And I will sleep to the sound of your voice

Now I don't like using words like forever
But I will love you til the end of today
And in the morning when I remember everything that you are
I know I'll fall for you over again

I know someday this all will be over
And it's hard to say what most I will miss
Just give me one way to spend my last moments alive
And I'll choose this, I'll choose this, I'll choose this
I'll choose this, I'll choose this, I'll choose this
I'll choose this, I'll choose this, I'll choose this

Chills. Check out his entire album, it's brilliant.

You Should Have Believed

She couldn’t run. She couldn’t fucking run. She was trapped, she was cold, she was terrified. The tips of her fingers were beginning to turn blue and lose their feeling. She was completely miserable and she couldn’t run.

“How did I get myself into this mess?”

She pleaded with herself for some sort of rationalization. She had thought it would be fun. She wanted to test her disbelief. Searching for some sort of inner calm, she made a  list in her head. Everything seemed so much simpler when written in a list. It didn’t matter. She was still trapped. She still couldn’t run.

“It’s probably coming for me. It’s probably done in with Evan. It’s probably... Oh God, I don’t know.”

The silence was horrifying. If she could only hear, if she could only have some sort of idea of when it would be coming back. But instead, she just sat in the agonizing silence, her head resting on her bare legs, her shaking arms over top of her head.

“Never again. I’m going straight home after this. If I get out of here. No. When. When I get out of here. I’m getting out, I’m getting out, I’ve gotta get out.”

She thought back to a couple of weeks ago. She got a CD in the mail. She remembered  contemplating tossing it in the return to sender box, never to be seen again. She changed her mind. She brought it into her house, put it in her stereo, ready to have a laugh. It was no big deal. Highway to Heaven. The spiritual guide through life and how to make the best of your journey. It had sounded like she’d be in for quite a laugh. She had loved it when Christian marketers came around, parading their religion like it was the newest fashion. It had always seemed so ridiculous, to take something as spiritual as one’s core beliefs, and turn it into a commercial recruiting war. That’s why she listened to the CD. That’s why she lay on her bed, laughing at the “scientific” reasons for God’s existence. That’s why she was currently trapped in this abysmal, horrifying dark hole, with only the expectation of what was to come next to keep her company.

“Oh God, Evan. What have I done to you? I brought you into all of this, and now who knows what’s happening. I’m sorry. So sorry.”

Evan had knocked on the door. Silly boy. She called him up, invited him into her room, and they spent a pseudo normal afternoon simply chatting, listening to this CD, laughing at religious extremists. She mentioned that God didn’t even exist, he was simply something that humans created to help themselves feel whole.

“God is real. Lucifer is real. Oh my goodness, everything is real. I’m going to die here. I’m going insane. I don’t know where I’m going. oh my God, I’m going to die.”

All of a sudden the CD ended, and everything had gone black. She had woken up naked, dirty, and freezing. Evan was next to her, in a similar position. Her memory was blank. Everything was blank. She couldn’t recall the CD, the topic of discussion, anything. She was terrified. 

And then she saw it. 

“I’m sorry God. So, so sorry. I believe in you, I love you, please just take me away from this place. Please loosen the grasp that the devil has placed on my dear Evan. Let me wake up in my bed, warm and comfortable. Please, please let me live.”

He loomed far above everything, a massive creature coated in a blackish slime. He reached down, and grabbed Evan with his enormous claws, leaving a trail behind him. He was indescribable. He wasn’t a monster, he was the devil. As he left the room, Evan in his grasp, it began to come back to her. She began to understand. She was blasphemous. She was cruel and stupid and she was now paying the price. 

“If only I had believed. I should have believed. I’m such an idiot, I should have believed!”

Her screams pierced through the still air. She had aroused his attention. She had changed his focus. And now he was back.

“Oh please, no. No, no. Oh fuck, I’m going to die. Please don’t let me die!”

As her sobbing, choking figure was lifted, there was only one thought in her mind. She had never thought that hell would be this cold.

Workaholic much?

Is it horrible that I'm beginning to find half of my classes as useless? I feel really guilty about skipping, but at the same time, I really don't see much point in showing up.

Yesterday I didn't do any work. I went uptown and hung out with some friends until 11 PM. And I feel really bad about it, but at the same time it's not like I had anything else to do. I would have stayed home doing nothing and not felt that bad. This way, I didn't even try. I need to get myself out of IB mode. 

I don't know. Maybe uni is changing me. Maybe the lack of parental oversight is making me go overboard. But I don't think so. I don't know what's up. I know nobody is reading this, but if you are, I'll keep you posted.

I Need...

A vacation.

Badly.

8 more weekends until I'm legal!

Untitled

I wish

I could write lyrics

like some of the best

but instead,

I just resort to tongue-tied methods

like all the rest.

I feel so small.

A petite frame, 5 feet

lacks suaveness

a female version

of the stereotypical quirky nerd

romantic comedies embody

And I still can't find

the words to say

I love you.

Saeglopur Video

Full length clip of Saeglopur from the concert last weekend (Incredible, if I didn't already say so)

And I know I didn't spell that right. But I can't figure out how to get the cool Icelandic characters on blogger. So whatever. Deal. And watch the mad sweet very badly recorded phone clip.

Sigur Ros

Are amazing. Nothing more to be said.

Montreal, QC- Quai Jacques Cartier, Sept. 22nd, 2008

The most awe inspiring night of my life.

I've never seen anyone that is more in the moment than Jonsi was. And I'm sure it's the same for every concert. It's just wonderful to see a band that truly loves the music that they play and that is so into it onstage that it looks like their heart is going to just come pouring out.

I"m not describing this very well, but I am having trouble finding the words. Suffice it to say that I would put out a lot of money to see them again. I even parted with a ridiculous sum of money for a concert poster and a concert tee. I felt like a giant dork, but now I have the most kick-ass tee ever so I'm not overly concerned.

Anyways I won't bore you, but I'll leave you with these thoughts:

Just. Wow.

Yeah.